Yeah...food

any honest runner will admit that they eat to run...and run to eat. it's one of the best perks of running. all those calories burnt off on the road are welcomed back with open mouth.

food is part of why i started running. that and some guy whose name i don't remember. growing up, i was always the skinny kid who could stuff down any amount of food, any time, and never gain a pound. burgers, spaghetti, fries, ice cream...cereal, french toast, pancakes...apple pie, cherry pie, blueberry pie...you get the picture. the best summer of my life was when my boyfriend drove the good humor truck (some of you won't have a clue what a good humor truck is, but that's ok). needless to say, he got fired after a month, but what a month that was!

and then at age 18 i went off to college...and out of nowhere, gained 20 pounds in just a few weeks. arghhhhh....suddenly i was FAT (in my own mind at least). these days they have a name for where i went from there...the dreaded anorexia. for close to a year i subsisted on letture, swiss cheese and fat free dressing. despite dropping down to under 85 pounds, i still felt fat. health problems eventually surfaced and the doctor i went to scared me into reconsidering my self-imposed starvation. around that time the guy i was dating talked me into running around a track several times. oddly enough, i found running to be an exhilarating experience...and one that allowed me to begin eating normally again. the desire to be healthy eventually replaced the desire to be skinny.

these days i eat well to run well...and i run to eat. running burns off approximately 100 calories a mile. putting in 40 miles a week translates to 4,000 calories that need replacing. i sometimes wonder what would happen weight-wise if i didn't run for a year...but i don't think i want to go there.

The Fear Factor

when i began doing distance running about 18 years ago, i was scared because i didn't know what to expect. these days i'm scared...because i now know.
the fear is multi-faceted. some of it has to do with the pain i know will come. some of it comes from doubting my ability to go the distance. when i begin the run i am filled with dread...and slowly, over the miles, it begins to melt away. there is always pain and discomfort, but when it arrives i know the end is near and that i'll finish. it is what lies in between that brings me back...day after day, year after year.
today's 16 miles was run along the coast, next to the pacific ocean. a thick fog blanketed the morning, and the ocean was heard and smelled more than viewed. two miles into it, i marvel how good i feel, how easy this seems. if only i could hold that feeling for another 14 miles!

this early in the morning, the critters are out in abundance. the fawns, born back in May, are half grown now. the bucks are sporting horns and strutting their stuff. the canada geese have taken over the golf course ponds...the goslings are as big as their parents when scant weeks ago they were toddling balls of fluff. tiny bunnies skitter into the undergrowth as i approach and pelicans fly silently overhead. the sound of waves on the beach pushes the fear out of my head and i remember why i continue to come out here each week.

and yeah, i finished. 2 hours and 48 minutes. i am soothed and enriched. the pain is there, but it's nothing that a half hour in the hot tub and a cold beer won't assauge. life is good and i'm fearless for at least another week.

Last Week Toronto

last week i ran in toronto.
tomorrow i'll run in california.
16 states, 2 countries, 37 years. countless shoes (but always nike) and shorts. dry desert runs, and runs in ice and snow. runs at midday, and runs in the dark of the night. runs where i've laughed and runs where i've cried. runs that hurt me and runs that i wish never ended. runs right after my children were born, runs on the day my parents died. my honeymoon was a marathon and dying on a run wouldn't be a bad way to go.
i've run for so long now, i can't imagine life without this routine of putting one foot in front of the other in such a way that i glide along and the world just glows.
enough for now.