The Fear Factor

when i began doing distance running about 18 years ago, i was scared because i didn't know what to expect. these days i'm scared...because i now know.
the fear is multi-faceted. some of it has to do with the pain i know will come. some of it comes from doubting my ability to go the distance. when i begin the run i am filled with dread...and slowly, over the miles, it begins to melt away. there is always pain and discomfort, but when it arrives i know the end is near and that i'll finish. it is what lies in between that brings me back...day after day, year after year.
today's 16 miles was run along the coast, next to the pacific ocean. a thick fog blanketed the morning, and the ocean was heard and smelled more than viewed. two miles into it, i marvel how good i feel, how easy this seems. if only i could hold that feeling for another 14 miles!

this early in the morning, the critters are out in abundance. the fawns, born back in May, are half grown now. the bucks are sporting horns and strutting their stuff. the canada geese have taken over the golf course ponds...the goslings are as big as their parents when scant weeks ago they were toddling balls of fluff. tiny bunnies skitter into the undergrowth as i approach and pelicans fly silently overhead. the sound of waves on the beach pushes the fear out of my head and i remember why i continue to come out here each week.

and yeah, i finished. 2 hours and 48 minutes. i am soothed and enriched. the pain is there, but it's nothing that a half hour in the hot tub and a cold beer won't assauge. life is good and i'm fearless for at least another week.