Melt down

i think part of my frustration is just a control issue; i'm most certainly NOT in control here. each day, each hour, each minute sometimes...this remodel has taken on a life of its own, and IT controls ME.

i had a melt down the other night. overwhelmed with demands from two houses, phone company arriving at one at the same time the POD mover shows up at the other. i'm literally running up and down the street dealing with both. oh and then, here comes the Directv people. in between, i'm trying to set up for the yard sale. by the time kevin got home, i had ceased functioning. i crawled upstairs to an empty rooom and cried myself to sleep for an hour. when i woke up it was dark, didn't look at the time. kevin had gone to bed. now, when i'm this stressed out, about the only cure is physical exercise. so i set out into the night to walk off all that was troubling me.

now, i'm a morning person. to be out walking this late was a bit disconcerting. no plan, no goal, just one foot in front of the other. in my ultra-marathon days, this was RFM (relentless forward motion). this night, it proved soothing. i could hear the sound of waves, the whisper of wind in the trees, the occasional gull still up at this hour. when i arrived home, the lights were blazing, uh oh. i saw that it was 11:30, i had no idea it was this late. and...kevin was gone.

well, kevin got home. after coming downstairs to ensure that i was really back and safely tucked in, he goes upstairs. and then returns.

"uh...could you come tell the police that you're ok and i didn't beat you up?"

WHAT????????

"you called THE POLICE???"

ok, how embarassing was this? i think they were concerned due to the hammers and crowbars sticking out of our walls. who was to say i didn't have a hammer sticking out of my head? who was to say i wasn't really out walking and trying to clear my head and not some victim in the bedroom.

no sleep thereafter.